Response to the Academic Article: Demographics, Sexual Behaviour, Family Background and Abuse Experiences of Practitioners of Sadomasochistic Sex

My Response to the Academic Article: Demographics, Sexual Behaviour, Family Background and Abuse Experiences of Practitioners of Sadomasochistic Sex: A Review of Recent Research by N. KENNETH SANDNABBA, PEKKA SANTTILA, LAURENCE ALISON & NIKLAS NORDLING, from the Department of Psychology, AÊ bo Akademi University, Finland; Department of Psychology, University of Liverpool, United Kingdom)

The view and claim of this sadomasochism and family abuse article, about the lack of emotional and physical closeness, in sadism and masochism, is very black and white, and it distorts, blurs, and merges, the two very separate categories, of emotional and love-orientated integrative and natural masochism, on the one hand, with repressed, emotionally cold, and fragmented masochism, on the other; and it also makes a wild assumption, that non-sadomasochist relationships, overwhelmingly have emotional and physical openness, closeness, and intimacy, in huge contrast to other types of sexual love-relationships.

I also disagree, with this sadomasochism and family abuse academic article, that masochism causes or is related to poor social adjustment related to social roles and economic income, because both so-called democratic societies and totalitarian dictatorships, persecute, unwantedly mistreat and abuse, marginalise, and socially isolate anyone who is sexually, socially, emotionally, creatively and intellectually more holistic and complete, different, or very unique, and then expects and demands that they adapt and adjust within that social oppression, inequality, and social isolation.

I do agree with the article, that sadists have a poor attachment to their mothers, whilst masochists have very good and positive attachment to their mothers, although it may in some ways be a bit of a stereotype or slight over-generalisation.

Whilst I agree with the article, that sexual abuse (and emotional, physical and mental abuse, which the article doesn't mention), can cause some aspects of the violent aspects of BDSM/masochism and/or sadism - and that any kind of abuse obviously affects people, in terms of so-called social anxiety, depression, and a vulnerability to stress - I do not agree at all that natural sexual submissiveness and emotionally integrated masochism, in men with and towards women, is in any way, shape, or form caused by childhood or any other kind of family, relationship, or social and professional abuse.

As I have said before, child, relationship, and social or professional abuse, can intensify masochism or sadism, and/or emotionally repress, fragment, or imbalance it, but it does not cause it, no more than abuse causes homosexuality, as both masochism, and homosexuality, as separate things, are both overall biological.

I also very much disagree with the article, that female victims/survivors of childhood sexual abuse, are likely to become masochists towards men sexually, as this is a very academic male-chauvinist prejudice and assumption, based upon the idealisation and repression of naturally assertive and dominant female sexuality, and as it is overall the case, that sexual or other types of child abuse against women, is more than likely to cause or intensify sexual sadism towards men or other women. This is overwhelmingly, my knowledge and experience, of and about many female sadists, and some sadist dominatrices I have spoken to over the Internet, and the statistics in the academic article on this and many other matters, are simply lies, damned lies, and statistics. In other words, they are lies and very prejudiced and male academic opinions, and in no way reflect any true or real empirical or sociological and/or scientific evidence, truth, or reality of, on, and about the matter.

I agree with the article, that heterosexual masochist men, have a problem with the available of sexually and socially suitable women, but very much want authentic and very real love-relationships with women, and on this point, the article makes a very brave and accurate statement and remark.

This academic sadomasochism and family abuse article, is in itself very sadistic, imbalanced and unnaturally so, in that it encourages and justifies, the social marginalisation, oppression, and socially isolation, of anyone who is very human, more holistic or complete, or naturally sexually different and/or unique intellectually, emotionally, creatively, and socially, such as heterosexual male masochists.

This academic sadomasochism and family abuse article, is also very masochistic in itself, imbalanced and unnaturally so, in that it is very submissive to and serves, the sexual myths, lies, social abuse and oppression, of the overwhelmingly male-chauvinist academic elites, who to a great extent create, and/or perpetuate the idealisation and repression of natural female assertive and/or dominant sexuality, personality, creativity, love, social potential, existence and being.

The Differences Between Emotionally and Love-orientated Heterosexual Masochism, and Repressed and Fragmented Masochism

I just read an interview, and watched various video-clips, of a fairly famous so-called dominatrix from another country, who I won’t name. After watching the first erotic BDSM video-clip, of this dominatrix posing and speaking by herself - as her sort of erotic monologue - I was not convinced that she was a sexually dominant woman, a female masochist, sadomasochist, switch, or female masochist, as she was talking very sexually dominant and sadistic, but her body-language and facial expressions and movements, were very sexually submissive.

My immediate first impressions of this dominatrix, was that she was not a masochist, nor a female dominant, not a switch, nor a female sadist, but that she was an actual female reverse masochist. After watching many of her other erotic BDSM video-clips though, I now think she is also a bisexual sadomasochist, but I am still not convinced that either she was a female dominant or sadist, nor that the men she was whipping and sexually dominating and degrading, were at all masochists in the true sense and reality of the term.

I think that these men, are not real masochists, in the holistic sense, because they are just into and enjoy pain and humiliation from women, but like dominatrices, they are very emotionally cold - they show no individual or mutual emotion (as part of being sexually submissive to women) - and whilst they like pain and sexual humiliation, they are not in any way both emotionally-and-sexually submissive with or towards women.

I also did think at first, that this dominatrix is in very straight talking, what many people would just call "a female pervert", because of the very unusual and/or quite depraved things she does with men and some women sexually, in these video-clips, but I personally think it’s wrong to label people as so-called perverts, if they are open and honest about what they do sexually, if it is all freely chosen and mutually consensual, and if they are not sexual or other types of child and relationship abusers.

I do think that this dominatrix has what some people would call "a very dirty mind", but I also think that both the men she does these sexual things with, are actually repressed masochists, in terms of a total lack of BDSM holistically integrated emotional sharing and actual love, and that she is also a repressed female dominant or sadist in this way as well. However, she is not repressed in a purely sexual sense, with her female dominance and sadism towards men, because she is obviously totally open and honest about it, freely expresses it, and makes these pornographic BDSM video-clips for profit and for people’s entertainment, with a little bit of exhibitionism by all thse performers, thrown in as well.

A female member of my family, is utterly convinced that I am not a masochist at all, because as a socialist, she understands, views, and judges sexuality and sexual behaviour, by a persons social behaviours, and as she rightly pointed out, whilst I am sexually submissive and masochistic towards women, I am not really socially submissive towards anyone, at least by choice anyway. This female relative would therefore, say that these men in those dominatrix video-clips were masochists, and that, again, I am not a masochist and nothing like them. She is right, that I am both sexually and socially nothing like these men in those video-clips, but again, in my opinion, this is because they are repressed masochists, and I would still maintain, claim, and say, that I am a very natural and fairly healthy and normal, sexual submissive and masochist with and towards women.

This is all a matter of perception, different types of labelling, contexts, and personal interpretation, but that’s what I have learnt from watching these dominatrix video-clips with men (and with women, because this dominatrix is somewhat sadomasochistic and bisexual, because she sexually dominates women as well), and this is where I stand on the matter.

Whilst I call myself a heterosexual submissive and masochist - because that’s what I know and believe that I am - I agree with this female relative, that perhaps socially-and-sexually, it is a somewhat limited and inadequate label, but in my opinion, this is because I am much more of a sexual submissive towards women, in that I overall enjoy grovelling to women and worshipping them, much rather than I am into or enjoy, receiving physical or emotional pain.

I do like some freely chosen consensual pain from women, such as being whipped by women - if it is done in a sensual or erotic way and freely chosen - but again, I am much more into grovelling to women, worshipping women physically, emotionally and mentally/intellectually, and being sexually and erotically dominated and humiliated by women, rather than being actually hurt in any way.

The Two Main Current, Social and Mental Health Predominant Theories, on Moderating or so-called Curing Masochism

There are two main, current, social, mainstream, and mental health predominant theories and approaches, on moderating or so-called curing masochism. The first is more liberal and socialist, and much more accurate. The second theory and approach, is very right-wing, and false and accurate, although some very left-wing people believe in this theory and approach too.

The first theory and approach, to moderating masochism of men towards women, says that it is related to the fact that the masochist person, is being dominated and/or bullied, and made to be submissive, by people who control or have more power than them, in their home, family, or work life, whether those who dominate and/or bully them in this way, are male or female (because any kind of domination in these ways, makes masochism in men towards women more intense), and in terms of some moderation of masochism, there is a lot of truth in this first theory and approach.

Whilst masochism by men towards women, can't be cured, it can in some ways - and in various ways - be moderated, and this first theory, is also to with the masochist person having better assertiveness skills, and more equal relationships with others, and which is again, both accurate, true, and correct.

On the other hand, we must also ask ourselves, that if masochism by men towards women is not a problem - if women both enjoy and need this - and if masochist men also like and enjoy this (without any unwanted harm to themselves or others), then why should it be moderated? Do homosexual men and women, and non-masochist/BDSM people, have to moderate their natural sexuality in this and these ways? Obviously they don't. However, if the masochist person, is being unwantedly dominated, bullied, and made to be submissive socially, then this as a separate issue is a problem, but being sexually submissive, and socially submissive -whilst connected and related - are also two completely separate things and issues.

The second theory and approach to the moderating, and so-called curing of masochism, which is very right-wing, is that masochism of masochist men towards women, is caused by men allowing themselves to be dominated by women socially - and not being more manipulative, controlling, and masterful with women - and what's more that masochism of men towards women, is caused by domineering mothers. This second theory, is completely untrue and false, and what's more, it is actually blaming women for masochism in men towards women (which is overall biological, like homosexuality), and saying that the solution is for masochist men, is to have very domineering and bullying male father figures, or to be dominated and made to be submissive to other men, but again, any kind of domination and bullying - by women or men - actually intensifies masochism.

The other part of this second, and very right-wing theory and approach, is the belief and view, that any kind of altruism, is in itself masochism, and a main cause of masochism. This theory, also sees any kind of altruism, as repellent, counter-productive, and all to do with a total lack of self-care, but it is simply not true, that altruism is in itself masochism, nor a main cause of masochism, because masochism in men towards women, is like homosexuality, overall biological, although it can in some ways be moderated.

Whilst self-care and self-sufficiency, is up to a point obviously a good thing, too much of these things - or too much selfish individualism - also co-exists with and creates (on another level), much more conformity, and whilst conformity is not a major cause of masochism, too much conformity - like too much individualism - can also intensify masochism.