Heterosexual Male Masochism

When I was about 28 years old, I saw two counsellors for about a year - one female and one male - one of whom was a gay man, and the other who never declared her sexual orientation, although I suspect she was bisexual. A great deal of the sessions revolved around the male therapist, who was gay, and the female therapist who constantly colluded with him and backed him up, saying that I was gay and should join a local gay club, and they both tried to twist my words and bully me into doing this. I tried explaining to him, that I was heterosexual, attracted towards women, and liked being sexually dominated by women, but he just couldn't understand or relate to this, and he thought that heterosexual masochism was to do with a master-slave relationship, and he saw it in very masculine and gay terms, and in terms of unequal relationships.

Masochism, as I've said before in some of my articles, is about a love of femininity or assertive femininity in women, and nothing to do with attraction towards masculinity, or unequal relationships. As a second choice, a male masochist might choose a slightly butch or masculine woman, but as a first choice he will always choose a very feminine woman. If there is a lack or deprivation of sexually dominant women, or of women in general, then the male masochist will sometimes take upon himself the characteristics of a sexually dominant woman, and sometimes turn this on upon himself or others, but this is due to oppression and repression, and from deprivation from women sexually and socially.

I am not a homophobe, and I dislike homophobia, but I realise that some gay people can try to proselytise heterosexual men who are sexually different, into becoming gay, when they aren't gay and can't be. This is because they are ignorant and prejudiced about things like heterosexual masochism, and because they can't understand other people who are sexually different in other ways than their own. Also, homosexuality can be due to repression and deprivation from female company, as this happens a lot when men are isolated alone or together, as in boarding schools, all-boys schools, and prisons, but it does not necessarily mean that those men are gay.

What occurs to me about a lot of homophobia, is that it always refers to anal sex between gay men, in order to put gay men down as abnormal, dirty, ridiculous, and inferior. This is reductionist, ignorant, and hypocritical, as a lot of so-called normal heterosexual men and women practise anal sex together, with the men anal penetrating the women, or sometimes even with the men receiving some sort of anal sex from their female lovers or partners. It is reductionist because not only anal sex is practised by gay men with one another. I also find it irritating and annoying that homosexuality, and other sexual orientations such as heterosexual masochism, are only seen as sexual, when friendship, love, and romance are a part of all human love-relationships.

I have found it hard to find suitable female sexual-love partners in my life, due to the fact that I am a heterosexual masochist, and the vast majority of women are submissive sexually towards men. I find sexual submission towards men by women repulsive, and there are very few women around who are sexually dominant or sexually assertive towards men.

I've had some sexual activity in the past, with a woman who was both sexually dominant and submissive (sometimes called "a switch" in the BDSM community), but I didn't like her wanting to be submissive towards me sexually, and I couldn't mutually agree to or practise that. I was also once sexually dominated by two women in an Indian restaurant. I went there about four or five times, and was sexually dominated by both of the women together at first, then by one of the women about four times on separate occasions, but at one stage this women got off on punching me in the face, and I didn't like that. She also seemed to get off on dominating me in front of other men, and which I didn't feel comfortable with. I agree with the BDSM community, that BDSM activity and sex should be "Safe, sane, and consensual".

There have been many famous men throughout history who have been heterosexual masochists. Sacher-Masoch was one such person, and he wrote the excellent novel Venus in Furs, and I which would recommend for anyone to read. The French Socialist, Jean Jacques Rousseau, was also a masochist, and like myself he found it hard to find sexual and love partners in his life.