Heterosexual Male Masochism, and the Extreme Mental, Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Pain and Suffering I Experience

(from being Deprived of Sexually Dominant and Sadist Women, Socially, Sexually, Spiritually, and in terms of Love.)

I am diagnosed with a psychiatric illness - namely "mental illness", (and occasional "acute anxiety"), by a psychiatrist, because I sometimes hear voices (as so-called hallucinations), although the voices are mostly highly intelligent, loving, caring, friendly, female voices, who often discuss and debate with me, and I can mostly evoke, or shut them down, when I want to.

There are no psychiatrists, pills, mental health workers, doctors, friends, family, or therapists, who can heal or cure my so-called mental health problems, distress, and suffering through deprivation from femdom and sadist women, other than sexually dominant women, female sadists, or other women, who can in some way or ways, play this role for me. That is the cure, and healing that I so very desperately need, and which will also give me more higher social and human knowledge. For reasons I will explain in this article, the vast majority of women won’t help, heal, or love me in this way, and in a way, they are also depriving themselves, from me and others like me, and in a way suffering from this too, although obviously not as much as I am.

The deprivation I experience, from being deprived of femdom and sadist women, which gives me extreme mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual suffering, is very similar to the extreme pain and suffering, that my mum experienced, before she committed suicide, and for about four or five months, usually every wintertime when she became very mentally and emotionally unwell. She too, was very different in a way, and she too couldn’t be loved in the way she needed, and this was a big part of why she committed suicide.

I have freely worshipped, grovelled to, been humiliated, and dominated, by sexually dominant women, and female sadists before, on several occasions in the past (without having to pay money for it) - and which helped and healed me for a while tremendously - but these women, have all at some stage (mostly because they all had boyfriends), left me, and failed to get in touch with me again, and they didn’t continue with what both I, and they, really wanted and needed to do.

Whilst I don’t think I will ever commit suicide - because my mum never wanted me to, and I have lots of important things to write and do - the pain, distress, and suffering I experience, from the deprivation from femdom and sadist women, is so unbearable and intense at times, that I think that, if I don’t get the healing that I mention, from femdom, sadist women, or other women who will play the role for me, it may send me insane for a while.

The worst thing about suicidal feelings, is that you can’t publicly mention if you have any, in case psychiatrists or the Police incarcerate you, in a psychiatric hospital, and which is very wrong and needs to change, because suicidal people need all kinds of help, and not immediate incarceration, or the immediate threat of it. Also, because of this immediate, or possible immediate threat of psychiatric incarceration, towards many suicidal people, their suicidal thoughts, feelings, and intentions, remain a secret, and so they can’t ask for real or other help, and they don’t get the help they need, and that’s one big reason why they eventually commit suicide, because of the threat of psychiatric incarceration, and the social taboos surrounding suicidal thoughts and feelings.

Just after I first got a psychiatric diagnosis, as "psychotic", in 1991 because I heard voices, by a so-called socialist, social worker - who told me she would have supported Nazism, and by my local GP/medical doctor at the time - my older brother told me, that the reason he thought I was "mentally ill", was because I couldn’t do, what I wanted to do, with women. He knew me, and this, very well, and he was absolutely right. My mum, also once told my brother, that I am the way I am, not because of her, but just because that’s the way I am. Again, she knew this well, and was absolutely right.

My mum did abuse me as a child and teenager, but she can in no way be blamed, for my heterosexual masochism, as I have always been this way, ever since I was a very young child, even before the abuse started to happen, and long after the psychological affects of it.

The physical, mental, and emotional abuse, I suffered, throughout most of my childhood and early teens, from my mum, did indeed affect me up to a point, and up until my early twenties, in a bad or detrimental way - making me very shy, and nervous of general social interaction, and causing me some trauma, anxiety, and depression - but it never made me masochistic towards women, as I was born that way, and I have always been the same. Part of the child and teen abuse, from my mum, is that my mum did persecute, and up to a point abuse me, for being a heterosexual masochist - as again, she knew me well, and always knew this about me - as many professionals and people in society have persecuted and discriminated against me for it, but she did not in any way, cause or condition my masochism towards women.

For years, I have spoken to hundreds of women, over the Internet, from all classes and walks of life, and the vast majority of these women admit, that they love men grovelling to them and physically worshipping them, that for all kinds of reasons (including some very important reasons, related to greater love for men), they all secretly like debasing men, and these Internet women, also told me that most women are sadists. I realise that "sadism", is considered as a derogatory term by society or some people, and that female sadism, is very different from male sadism, but most open and honest female sadists, are not abusive or evil, they only go with masochist men, and are just as capable of tenderness, affection, so-called normal sexual interaction, and love.

These hundreds of women, on the Internet, I have had hundreds of fairly long conversations with, for many years - via email correspondences, MSN and Yahoo messenger (one-to-one) conversations, webcam chat rooms, and other chat rooms - only told me what they really think and feel about themselves, and other women, in relation to men, because they can remain anonymous, and because I don’t see or know them socially - but socially most women don’t and won’t admit, that they like men to serve them, and that they like to humiliate and debase men, or at least fantasise about this, or do it covertly. These women socially, also won’t admit, that they are suffering in some way, or up to a point, because of this denial and deprivation, but these women, and many dominatrixes, perpetuate the myth that they don’t care in any way, or need heterosexual masochist men, and that only masochist men, are the ones who suffer from this kind of opposite sex deprivation.

This one-sided need myth, that many women and dominatrixes perpetuate, feel that it gives them greater power, dominance, and control, over heterosexual masochist men, or that they are pleasing heterosexual masochist men in this way - and which is true in a way, because it sometimes part of the role play - but to perpetuate the myth socially, intellectually, and to describe it as absolute truth, also creates lies, and it also limits, diminishes, and dehumanises heterosexual male masochism, female sexual dominance, and female sadism, individually, and in terms of relatedness, interaction, creativity, and love.

When I asked these hundreds of women over the Internet, why this was the case with women in society or face-to-face, that they lie and won’t admit to all of this, they told me that it is because, women in society or socially, have a certain pride to maintain (to a degree or in a way that men don’t have), and that most women also have a certain respectability to maintain too, and that if this was not the case, then these women feel that they would not be real women (in the same way that some heterosexual masochist men, think and feel that being a masochist to women, makes them not real men).

The Internet women, also told me that many women in society and socially, expect men to accept this so-called pride and respectability about women, and collude with the lie, false pride, false respectability, false-love, and myth. Most of the Internet women, agreed with me though, that women need to be honest about this, and that things need to change.

These Internet women, also agreed with me, that if some women, deny that they don’t have any sexually dominant and/or sadistic tendencies towards men at all, that this is impossible, because then they wouldn’t be human beings - as all human beings are dominant and sadistic to some extent - because we are not pure beings or angels, and because some people believe we evolved from animals, and people are very much like animals, in terms of so-called territory and hierarchy.

When I asked these woman, whether the so-called female pride and respectability, they referred to, was just female arrogance, hypocrisy, and cowardice, they admitted that it was arrogance, hypocrisy, and cowardice, but that most women in society, still didn’t think about it in that way. I then said, that I didn’t believe it was pride, because many sexually dominant and sadist women, are out and honest about their love and sexuality, and they still have plenty of pride and respectability, and I added that it was more than likely just plain extreme conformity, and most of the Internet women, again, agreed with me.

I live in the UK, in Kent. If any women, want to help cure and heal me, in the ways I have explained in this article, and to create greater knowledge and understanding on these, and other human and social matters, and to show some genuine pride, respectability, courage, and love, then please email me at peterpoets@googlemail.com.