The Human Incompleteness and Integration of Gender

As a heterosexual male masochist, I take both a desire and interest in the views of many dominatrixes, or dominatrix-type women, and for years I have been talking to many dominatrixes in dominatrix webcam chat sites, studying their websites, and corresponding with many of them from all over the world, via email, and all of whom I respect, desire, and love.

I also recently checked out and watched some dominatrix youtube video clips. Most of the dominatrix youtube clips, were of dominatrices perpetuating the myth, that only masochist men need them sexually and/or in terms of love, but that they don’t need us, and that they take great pleasure in simply using us, for their pleasure, amusement, and entertainment. This myth is however, part of the BDSM role play, between masochist men and dominatrix or similar women, and in a way they are pleasing both themselves, and us as masochist men, and so it is therefore very good-willed, connected to mutual pleasure and love, and it is not supposed to be taken literally.

There were two youtube clips - again of individual dominatrix women speaking - which were different, and which stood out from the others. The first one, was of a dominatrix, describing herself as a "bitch", and she then said that others - and she was specifically referring to men - might say she is a "bitch" because she has her own beliefs and values, as an individual, and as a sexually dominant woman.

First of all, I don’t think that having your own beliefs or values, makes anyone a "bitch", and I was curious as to why she described herself in that way. This is because she associates having her own beliefs and values - as she put it - with betraying and not needing masochist men, and which again is a myth, and a soft or white lie. I also don’t believe, that either dominatrix or dominatrix-type women - nor masochist men - simply have their own individual values, in the ways that this dominatrix described it, but I think that what she was also really getting at and meaning, was that she doesn’t like masochist men - or any men - having their own beliefs and values, unless these beliefs and values come from women like her, and from other women.

This view is not typical of dominatrix or dominatrix-type women who cannot be made examples of, and blamed for this - as it is quite common amongst most women - and it’s a fact, that there often a battle or conflict, between for example - fathers and mothers - towards their child, teenage, and adult children, as to which sex and gender influences - in terms of feminine or masculine beliefs and values - influence or are taken up the most by their children, as children, teenagers, and especially as adults. Obviously, there may be a need for moderation and balance, in all of this, but this is the reality of the matter.

In some ways, I agree with this dominatrix woman, that beliefs and values must - at least in some ways - be an individual thing, but I don’t agree that this makes her a "bitch", although it’s curious that many domintrix, sadist, and sexually dominatrix women, like to refer to heterosexual masochist men, as their "sluts" and their "bitches". This shows us, that whilst they very honestly admit, and are completely open about the fact, that they also form their beliefs and values individually - regardless of the collective influence of women or men - that in their genuine open-mindedness and tolerance, they don’t really mind men doing this either. This is the mutual freedom, love, and mutual respect between dominatrixes, dominatrix-type women, and heterosexual masochist men, but which is often obscured by the role-play and mythologisation.

The second youtube videoclip I watched, was of a dominatrix, saying that masochist men, really wanted to be like dominatrixes and other similar women, because we are "disgusting little homosexuals", and that we were jealous of women like her, because we didn’t have a vagina. She then said that, that she and women like her, were evil, and that is why we, as masochist men, desired and loved her and women like her. This dominatrix, was just joking in a way, as a form of female black humour - and again, I don’t think she meant it literally - but it was very interesting, kind, and sharing, what she said nonetheless.

Whilst it is not true, that masochist men who desire dominatrix and dominatrix-type women, are at all homosexual, she did have a point about so-called reverse penis envy, or vagina envy, although it is not to do purely with genetals, but with human nature, society, and gender. It is a fact, that as men and women, we are all imcomplete as human beings, and that both men and women, we sometimes get curious, and in some ways jealous, of the fact that we don’t have in some ways, the better qualities, and/or beauty of the other sex. So it is not entirely true, what Freud very male chauvinistically said about women, in terms of so-called penis envy, because men sometimes feel this way about women too, although both men and women very seldom - if ever - admit to it.

One way, many non-masochist men have of dealing with these humanly incomplete and envious feeling of the opposite sex, is to in some ways debase the better qualities and beauty of women, both sexually and socially, because they want some kind of return or response, but as a heterosexual masochist man, whilst I have felt incomplete in human terms - because I am only a man, and not also a woman - the greater qualities and beauty of women, very much overwhelms me, and it is in actual fact me, me who wants to debase myself, and grovel and squirm for them, although again, this does not make me overwhelmed intellectually by any women, nor does it diminish or repress my beliefs and values as an individual, as well as, as a human and social being.